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The newspaper informs me of his death. I'd only met him once, a long time ago, and obliquely. So why this slight sorrow? Perhaps because no one is indifferent to us, and everyone we meet unwittingly enters our hearts to make a room for themselves, however modest, in the attic where we don't often think to climb. Our heart is a greater lord than we are.
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| Death of King Arthur by James Archer |
"He who seeks will not cease until he finds.
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settle in your life.
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Weep for death
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"It is essential to explain to a young child what is happening to him and what is being done that concerns him.
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Stop running away to your memories
And age your future.
It's time to pull yourself together
And once again, you must live again.
Let the present seduce you
And the future to blossom.
All that life has of beautiful, it will offer it to you.
All you have to do is smile and open yourself up to it.
The way to get there
Is to let go, to stop holding back.
Let go in order to grow
And once again welcome everything.
- Richard Migneault -
Don't lock yourself in your suffering
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Whatever the cause of your suffering, use it to seek support. Talk to those who can understand you, don't lock yourself up in your pain but open up to someone or to God. Then, in the very heart of your suffering, you will experience consolation, security, hope and trust.
- Anselm Grün - "The Art of Living in Harmony
Adopt the right attitudes
in order to progress and fully realize oneself
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things: a balance between attachment and detachment. It is only natural that we become attached to those we love. There is no love without attachment. But we must also learn to cultivate the spirit of detachment, which reminds us that no one belongs to us, that each person follows his or her own destiny. Let us never allow the deadly poison of possessiveness to invade our soul. If we feel jealousy, which is also natural, let us work on detachment. And let us accept the idea of separation. Tomorrow, the one we love may have to leave us or die. We must therefore learn to attach ourselves wholeheartedly to our loved ones, while cultivating the detachment of the mind, which creates a certain distance from our emotions and constantly reminds us that everything is impermanent, ephemeral, that no one belongs to us. Let us also keep in mind that we are alone, that we are born alone and that we will die alone. Let us not try to escape this existential solitude by attaching ourselves in an excessive way, in a kind of fusion, to another being. Let us know that sooner or later we must be separated and let us learn to love by attaching ourselves in the right way.
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in life - health, home, work, honor - but let's not get too attached to them.
health, home, work, honor - but don't be too attached to them. Let us be ready to lose what we have been given. This right attitude provides what is called "equanimity", a serene distance from the events of life, pleasant or painful. He who achieves this equanimity is the freest of men. Nothing can touch his serenity. He may feel sadness and anger, pleasure and displeasure, fear and hope, but nothing will disturb the depths of his soul, which remains in peace. No more emotion will overwhelm him to the point of making him lose this joy and this love which links him to the Soul of the world.
- Frederic Lenoir "The Soul of the World" -
The great joys
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Those who have accepted to persevere in the pain, in the doubt, in the night, who have overcome the obstacles and continued to advance in spite of the difficulties instead of trying to avoid them, those will know the greatest joys. Not because of any divine retribution, but because of the mysterious law of life that consent, acceptance of what is, opens the door to the joy of living.
The child and the simple people are in joy because they accept life as it is offered to them, know how to receive what is given, do not demand that life be different. Consent opens the door to the joy of life that was closed to us. Our consent is necessary for life to be lovable.
- Frédéric LENOIR - "The power of joy"
Happiness
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Happiness will not be found by denying life's sufferings, but by accepting them when they are unavoidable and understanding that we can grow through them.
Our awareness of happiness comes from our knowledge of unhappiness, and most of our joys come from overcoming sadness.
- Frederic LENOIR - "The Power of Joy"
Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
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Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may Not so much seek to be consoled, As to console;
To be understood, As to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
We have no time to lose
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We have no time to waste regretting something or someone, because we are alive.
To not appreciate what is happening right now is to live in the past and be only half alive. This leads to self-pity, suffering and tears.
You were born to be happy. You were born with the right to love, to rejoice and to share your love. You are alive, so embrace the life that is expressed in you.
- Don Miguel Ruiz - "The 4 Toltec Agreements"
(from the 4th agreement "Always do your best" -
It is not time that calms the pain
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[...] Slowly, very slowly, each pain, you will analyze it, you will visualize it. Try to understand: "why did I have pain?" It is not time that calms the pain, contrary to what you think, no it is not time, it is understanding, it is to position yourself in front of your pain, to talk to your pain, this, yes is an effective remedy. I would even say very effective. Time does not smooth anything.
[...] Pain is related to the soul. If something is hard to work on, if something is much more painful to you, that is where you have to look. It's like a root... If you have pain, look for it, look for the root cause.
[...] Don't look in the lives before, it is not useful. It is absolutely not useful, look in the present. Live, everything you came to live, right now. You have all the solutions in front of you. There is no need to look back, your whole life path is there, all the gratitude of the Universe is there to bring you heaven. The Earth, you have the benefit of it. The sun, you have the enjoyment of it. The love, you have the possession of it [...]
To be like a passing smile
Because it is the most beautiful gift we can give.
What is left of us when we are no longer here?
If not the memory of a heart that gave a lot of love?
The rest is only wind!
- Nadine Monfils "The dream of a madman"
Look deep inside yourself
and find the peace that passes all understanding;
keep it,
it doesn't matter what's going on out there.
"The small voice" Eileen Caddy
Finding Peace
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Stop trying to justify your actions.
Stop blaming others.
Search your own heart,
get clear,
And find perfect peace of heart and mind.
- Eileen Caddy "The Little Voice" -
"THE PRAYER OF THE CAREGIVERS" - Saint Francis -
Lord,
Make me an instrument of your health
May I bring healing to the sick
To the wounded, help,
To the suffering, relief,
To him who is sad, consolation,
To him who despairs, hope,
To the dying, acceptance and peace.
Let me not seek so much
To be right, than to console,
To be obeyed, than to understand,
To be honored, but to love
For it is in giving that we heal,
It is by listening that we console,
And in dying we are born to eternal life.
(Prayer taken from Elisabeth Kübler Ross' book "Death, the last stage of growth", modified by Charles C. Wise)
When we lose those who are close to us
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When we lose those who are closest to us, when we realize the ephemeral nature of things, the fragility of the links that unite us and hold us to life, we reconsider what is important, we end up understanding that the gaze of others has no value, no more than social norms or even the petty grudges that drag us down.
- Ingrid DESJOURS - "The apple of her eye"
I had lost the meaning of life
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Yesterday, I thought for a moment that I could not go on living, that I needed help.
I had lost the meaning of life and the meaning of suffering, I felt like I was "collapsing" under a tremendous weight, yet here again I kept fighting, and suddenly I felt able to move forward, stronger than before.
I tried to look deep into the eyes of the "Suffering" of humanity, I explained myself with it, or rather: "something" in me explained itself with it, many desperate questions were answered, the great absurdity gave way to a little order and coherence, and here I am able to continue my way.
One more battle, brief but violent, from which I came out with a tiny bit of extra maturity.
- Etty HILLESUM -
(Died on November 30, 1943 in the Auschwitz concentration camp. She wrote many letters in 1942-1943 from the transit camp of Werterbork)
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The words we don't say
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There are the words we don't say because we have kept them silent for too long, because they would reopen our wounds, because they are too heavy with anger and demand justice that will not be done.
There are the words we don't say because they would fill our eyes with tears, because they scare us too much, because they would hurt us too much, because it is too early or too late.
There are the words that we don't say because we have learned to keep quiet, because they would create a mess, because others wouldn't understand them anyway.
There are the words we don't say because we don't think about them, because we have nothing to say to each other, because we want to forget them, because we don't think about them anymore and we are tired.
There are the words that we don't say because we don't know how to say them, because we never learned them, because they are contradictory and it is not allowed.
There are the words we don't say because we don't dare to go towards the other, because we don't want to take off our mask, because we know we are so fragile and prefer to protect ourselves.
There are words that we don't say because it would upset the established order, because it would force us to hear them, because it would make so much noise, because it would open the floodgates and we are afraid of being drowned.
There are the words that are not said even though they would move mountains, open doors and windows, build bridges and roads, make light sing and life return.
There are all these words that we don't say. How do we keep quiet? What can we talk about? If there was only one thing left to do, it would be to finally listen to ourselves ....
- Author unknown -
Your life is here
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Break this deceptive mirror, go and see the world, go and see the life that is out there, and the joy and the sadness, and the dramas, and the great happiness and then the great misfortunes.
And you will see, perhaps, how big your misfortunes are.
And you will stop, perhaps, to accuse and to maintain this unhealthy resentment.
And you will agree, maybe, to search in your bad memories.
And you will try, perhaps, to open your heart.
And you will move, perhaps, towards the end of this inane suffering.
Look, breathe, smell, touch, discover, see, your life is there, waiting for you behind the door.
Don't let it go.
- Author unknown - "Plural Thoughts".
The words that remain silent
What do these silent words say?
They are contained in all these suspension points, which we suspend
They express the continuous flow of these thoughts that we cannot structure.
They silence what we think is useless to express or too difficult to convey.
They leave in an equivocal silence our emotions and feelings, which we don't want or can't bring out into the open.
They prevent the construction of a solid relationship.
They are refusal to deliver to the other the words that relieve, help, love in their modesty or their impossibility to offer themselves to the mirror of the dialogue.
- Author unknown - "Plural Thoughts".
The key of happiness
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Do not be afraid of your sorrows,
They will give way to joy.
Tears are chains,
That the smile lightens.
Don't chase your memories,
They form your history.
You will see the sighs
Will give way to hope.
Turn the few pages
That take you away from happiness.
But remain wise enough
To keep in your heart,
Those you have crossed
For an hour or a lifetime
Those you have loved
And taught you so much.
Sometimes everything is easy
Sometimes it's hard.
Experience is fertile
And love is contagious.
So let go
What weighs on your heart.
And then go back to loving.
It is the key to happiness.
- Alexandra JULIEN -
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Strength and courage
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You gain strength, courage and confidence every time you decide to face fear head on.
You are able to say to yourself:
"I have made it through this horror, so I am able to face what is to come."
- Eleanor ROOSEVELT -
The strength to stand up
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Sometimes the cry for life is a cry of love, sometimes a cry of terror, of despair. This cry reaches it and sends us back its protective arms and the promise of all our possibilities buried under the misfortunes that strike us.
Some people call it the rage to live, the instinct of conservation, or they detect a very great will.
Most often, it is our own abandonment in the face of the power of life over the grains of sand that we are.
Sometimes, alas, we have to go as far as the KO, to the chaos, to find the strength to get up and start living again.
- Author unknown -
Still shivering ...
Still shivering under the skin of darkness, every morning I have to recompose a man with all this mixture of my previous days and the little that remains of my days to come.
Here I am in my entirety, I go to the window.
Light of this day, I come from the bottom of the times.
Respect with softness my dark minutes, spare a little more what I have of night, of starry inside and of ready to die under the rising sun which only knows how to grow.
- Jules SUPERVIELLE -
I do what I can
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I do what I can. With my silences and the rest. With my animal fears. With my childish cries that no longer overflow. I do what I can. In this little bath of cruelty and light. In the bursts of sugar and lies. In the delicacy. In the violence of time that tramples our dreams. In our small precious wanderings. One morning after the other. An oblivion after the other. A word about the next. I do like everyone else. With the sky and without the gods.
- Thomas VINAU - "Bleu de travail -
If you close your heart,
you will forget me and I will die a second time.
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(...) When a heart is open, it vibrates in unison with the world: the smile of a child, the perfume of a rose, the clatter of the wind in the foliage of the trees, everything speaks to it the language of love.
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(...) As flowers delight the heart of those who know how to look at them, the universe responds to our deepest desires if we make every effort to realize them.
(...) When our heart has suffered, it puts in place securities thatprevent us from vibrating to the unpredictable breath of life. (...) We must know how to let go of the need to control our mind and welcome the little voice that springs from the depths of our being.
(...) Encounters and events in life are often guides that remind us of truths we have forgotten, teach us something about ourselves or encourage us to look further.
(...) If you close your heart, you will forget me and I will die a second time. In this world, I can only continue to live in your heart. But it must remain open. Do not close it and mine will always beat in unison with yours...
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INVICTUS
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In the darkness that surrounds me
Black as a well where one drowns
I give thanks to the gods, whoever they may be
For my invincible and proud soul.
In cruel circumstances
I have neither moaned nor cried
Bruised by this existence
I stand, though wounded.
In this place of anger and tears
Lies the shadow of Death
I know not what fate has in store for me
But I am, and I will remain fearless.
Narrow as the path is
Numerous, the infamous punishments
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley (1843-1903)
We must learn
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We must learn not to remain in the void, above the abyss, in almost
permanent free fall, facing vertigo.
We must learn to continue our path by adding one stone after another, by going back the way we came as many times as necessary to convince ourselves that we now have solid reference points, available resources.
We must learn to channel our anxiety and continue to live our lives without waiting for others; and from these tiny, microscopic steps, we can draw hope and peace of mind.
To trust ourselves and listen to our little inner voice telling us: "you too can do it, listen to me for God's sake! "... "
- Ysyade - "Plural Thoughts"
Take time to heal your wounds
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Taking time to heal your wounds, accepting that they exist, that they deserve to be healed, recognizing them and no longer minimizing them, hearing someone tell you: "I recognize your pain and we will find a way to heal it", is no longer carrying it alone and allowing yourself to recognize that YES, you have experienced painful things and that YES you have the right to be affected by them.
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But, if there is one thing that starting a work on yourself allows you to do, it is to become aware of all your resources, of all your qualities, to get rid of all your limiting beliefs. To realize that you are an exceptional being and that no one can make you think otherwise!
- Julie Arcoulin -
Expressing your emotions
Saying that we are sad, angry or afraid is not a weakness, but an opening to ourselves and to others. So let us be free to say what is in our hearts and let the other be free in his reaction.
- Nassrine Reza - "The Nutri-Emotion
Giving meaning to life every day and every hour
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We had to change our attitude towards life completely. We had to learn for ourselves and, moreover, we had to show those who were in despair that it was not important what we wanted from life, but what we brought to life.
Instead of wondering if life had meaning, we had to imagine that it was up to us to give meaning to life every day and every hour.
- Viktor E. FRANKL -
(Austrian professor of neurology and psychiatry, deported to Auschwitz. He also lost his parents and his wife in deportation)
I have settled my accounts with life
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I have settled my accounts with life, I mean: the possibility of death is integrated into my life; to look death in the face and to accept this death, this annihilation, any form of annihilation, as an integral part of life, is to enlarge this life.
On the other hand, sacrificing a piece of this life to death now, out of fear of death and refusal to accept it, is the best way to keep only a poor little piece of mutilated life barely deserving the name of life. This may seem almost paradoxical: by excluding death from one's life, one deprives oneself of a complete life; by welcoming it, one broadens and enriches one's life.
- Etty HILLESUM -
(died on November 30, 1943 in the concentration camp of Auchwitz...)
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The gift of life
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Life is like that;
We rarely realize in the moment that difficult moments have a hidden function:
Leading us to grow.
Angels disguise themselves as witches and deliver wonderful gifts carefully wrapped in vile packages.
When hardship comes, we often react with anger or despair, legitimately rejecting what seems unjust. But anger makes us deaf, and despair blinds us.
We miss the opportunity to grow. Then, the hard blows and the failures multiply.
It's not fate that is working against us, it's life that is trying to renew its message.
- Laurent GOUNELLE -
Getting back into motion
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Doing pleasant things when you are not well is not obvious, because you do not feel like it.
However, all the unavailable work shows that this desire must be reactivated through initial efforts (like restarting an engine that has stalled).
And that we must not mistake our objective: when we are not well, the goal of these pleasant activities is not to make us happy, but to prevent the malaise from getting worse or from taking hold for a long time.
You have to name the evil to get through it
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"[...] It is necessary to name the evil to go through it: better therefore a word which dares to say the evil, even if it means to say it badly, even if it means, by its awkwardness, to provoke irritation, than this conspiracy of silence which makes the man who goes through an ordeal, a kind of pestifere.
[...] The man who suffers does not bring misfortune, but it is sometimes released from him this force which each one needs, that it draws with the deepest of the life, in order to raise the weight of its sorrow.
[...] It is indeed only after having cried, wept, endured one's ordeal that the time of discernment comes."
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What is needed is to be happy from life, from what it is, sometimes banal, sometimes terrifying, often joyful [...] but never comfortable [...] it is necessary to start from the given, however annoying it may be [...] to make of this unforeseen stopping point, a point of departure."
- From Martin STEFFENS' book "Life in Blue"
- (Why life is so beautiful in hardship) -
Life is what you make of it
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Life is what you make it,
so never blame anyone else for the state you're in,
but know that you are responsible for it.
Change your attitude and you can change your whole outlook.
Adopt a constructive attitude towards life.
Build the best from what you see around you and ignore the rest,
Don't give it any life force and it will disappear.
Today is a new day
And what you do with it is up to you!
- Eileen Caddy - "The Little Voice"
You suffer and you are not the only one
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You are suffering and you are not the only one. But you keep your eyes fixed on your pain.
And then, you are not alone and you know it, but you lock yourself in your suffering.
You suffer when suffering, like nature, cannot not be.
And then, you forget where the cause is, very close to you however, not to say in you.
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You suffer and you forget your happy days. And you also forget that everything, one day, passes away; that other beautiful happy days will come back.
"All good things must come to an end", say the birds of ill omen.
Well, good news! So do bad things!
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Don't feed your suffering, it could become an ogre and then devour you. Invade all the space, cut you off from the world, prevent you from breathing.
Instead, starve it, don't give it the anger, the resentment and the despair that it cries out for. Don't give her your heart, which only wants to open up to the other; stun it with the affection of your friends and their comfort.
Let yourself be loved. And let your grief go away, let it go away...
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- Author unknown - "Plural thoughts" -
Come hide in the lights with me...
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I like to lose myself in the lights of the night.
I invent new solitudes, new lives.
When our world doesn't interest me anymore,
When men are definitely predictable,
When I don't feel like fighting and enduring indifference.
Times are changing,
But the present looks strangely like the past.
Come hide in the lights with me
My Angel,
I love you,
And I leave you here.
- Gaëtan Hochedez -
Your suffering is your own
and only you know how to manage it
Your suffering is unique
The
way you experience your suffering is unique.
It depends on your
character, on the personal ties you had with the one who is no
longer,
the moments you shared.
Do not listen to others when
they tell you how to grieve.
- A time for mourning" -
Karen KATAFIASZ
Cry
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Your tears testify
to your love.
And tears that are rooted in love lead to
healing and renewal.
- A time for mourning" - Karen
KATAFIASZ
Respect the strength of your grief
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Respect the strength of your grief,
it will affect you psychologically
in your body or your mind,
in an intense
and sometimes surprising.
Be indulgent with yourself.
- A time for mourning" - Karen KATAFIASZ -
The words, the evils
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The words,
That express your pain
When they no longer find an echo
When they provoke impatience
And plunge you into indifference
You are left with silence.
The words,
That speak of your ills
That bring you the support of hope
And become only intolerance
To be only absence
You are left with silence.
The evils
That no longer find words
Leave a heart so big
That only sobs relieve
Of this difference
You are left with silence.
The evils,
Which no longer become words
Leave in the eyes this gleam
That only souls like them
Hear this suffering
You are left with silence.
- Antoinette Egidi - © protected text
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To understand and protect oneself
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"Only the person who is part of the same world as me will be able to understand me... Because, we need our bubbles, to find ourselves, to be ourselves to be better with the other ... Where there is no competition, no doubts, no fear ... Where sharing can be total and comprehensive ... From me, I remove all thorns, it is better this way ... I welcome in my world, the one of my world ... The one who is made for me without needing to touch a flower ... But just to know where the star is ... Carpe Diem"
- Jackie POLLAERT - Writer & Medium -
Indifference - Gilbert BECAUD - (French song)
The bad moves, the cowardice
What does it matter?
Let me tell you
Let me tell you and tell you again what you know.
What is destroying the world is :
Indifference!
It has broken and corrupted
Even childhood!
A man walks
A man walks, falls, dies in the street.
Well, nobody saw him!
The indifference!
The indifference!
It kills you with small blows
Indifference!
You are the lamb, she is the wolf
Indifference!
A little hate, a little love
But something
Indifference!
With you you are only a stranger
Indifference!
Your children do not speak to you any more
Indifference!
Your old people don't even listen to you
When you talk to them
You love each other and you have
A bed that dances
But she is watching
She's watching for you and playing cat and mouse
My day will come that she says to herself
The indifference!
The indifference!
It kills you with small blows
Indifference!
You are the lamb, she is the wolf
Indifference!
A little hate, a little love
But something
Indifference!
You are a cuckold and you don't care
The indifference!
It makes its small in the mud
The indifference!
There is more hatred, there is more love
There's not much left
Indifference!
Before we're all dead
Of indifference!
I would like to see it crucified
The indifference!
How beautiful she would be quartered
The indifference!
Listen to me, please, I need to talk
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Listen to me, please, I need to talk.
Just give me a few moments,
Accept what I am experiencing, what I feel,
Without reluctance, without judgment.
Please listen to me, I need to talk.
Don't bombard me with advice and ideas,
Don't feel obligated to fix my problems.
Do you lack confidence in my abilities?
Please listen to me, I need to talk.
Don't try to distract me or amuse me,
I'll think you don't understand
The importance of what I'm experiencing inside.
Listen to me, please, I need to talk.
Above all, do not judge me, do not blame me.
Would you like your morality
To make me crumble with guilt?
Listen to me, please, I need to talk
Don't think you have to approve either
If I need to tell my story
It's just to be free.
Please listen to me, I need to talk
Don't interpret or try to analyze
I would feel misunderstood and manipulated
And I won't be able to communicate anything to you.
Listen to me, please, I need to talk.
Don't interrupt me to question me,
Don't try to force my hidden domain.
I know how far I can and will go.
Listen to me, please, I need to talk.
Respect the silences that keep me going.
Be careful not to break them,
It is often through them that I am enlightened.
So now that you have listened to me
I beg you, you can speak
With tenderness and availability
In my turn, I will listen to you.
- Jacques Salomé -
The tears
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There are moments in life when our deepest feelings cannot be expressed in any other way than by our tears...
We must not hold them back, since they come from the heart and not from pride...
- Paulo Coelho -
When no solution seems possible
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"When no solution seems possible to our problems, there is still one: to ask for help. To seek, to find.
To ask, in order to receive.
Because among these billions of human beings, it is enough to have only one being, sometimes, to be reborn.
And this being will be happy, will exist, too, by the simple fact of helping another, because He has experienced the malaise himself. "
- Laurence MARON -
Don't cry for me - Native American prayer
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"Don't cry for me..."
When I am gone, let me go!
Let me go
For I have so much to do and see!
Don't cry when you think of me!
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Be thankful for the beautiful years
In which I gave you my love!
You can only guess
The happiness you have brought me!
I thank you for the love that everyone has shown me!
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Now it is time for me to travel alone.
For a short while you may feel sorrow.
Trust will bring you comfort and solace.
We will only be apart for a short time!
Let the memories soothe your pain!
I am not far away and life goes on!
If you need it, call me and I will come!
Even if you can't see me or touch me, I will be there,
And if you listen to your heart, you will feel clearly
The sweetness of the love I will bring!
When it's time for you to leave,
I will be there to welcome you,
Absent from my body, present with God!
Don't go to my grave to weep!
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I am not there, I do not sleep!
I am the thousand winds that blow,
I am the glitter of the snow crystals,
I am the light that crosses the wheat fields,
I am the gentle autumn rain,
I am the awakening of the birds in the morning calm,
I am the star that shines in the night!
Do not go to my grave to cry
I am not there, I am not dead!
- Native American prayer -
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The right words to say it... (the death of a child)
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Please don't ask me if I have overcome it,
I will never get over it.
Please don't tell me that he is better off where he is now,
He's not here with me.
Please don't tell me he's not in pain anymore,
I still haven't accepted that he had to suffer.
Please don't tell me that you know how I feel.
Unless you too have lost a child.
Please don't ask me to heal.
Grief is not a disease that can be rid of.
Please don't tell me:
"At least you had him for so many years".
At what age do you think your child should die?
Please don't tell me God doesn't inflict more than a man can bear.
Please just tell me you are sorry.
Please just tell me that you remember my child.
If you remember him.
Please just let me talk about my child.
Please mention my child's name.
Please just let me cry.
- Rita MORAN -
A last proof of love
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It is essential that the dying person and those around him or her accept the reality of death so that the person who dies can leave his or her carnal body in peace and without fear. Thus accompanied, he or she can abandon his or her last earthly attachments without regret.
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Accepting this letting go is for the loved ones to free themselves from the selfishness and grief of the loss in order to give the person who is leaving the possibility to live, serenely, the steps that will lead him/her from one world to the next.
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It doesn't matter if you believe in an afterlife or not. What matters is to offer affection and create a peaceful atmosphere for the loved one whose life is ending.
It is a last show of love.
It is a great gift.
- The Dalai Lama -
I claim!
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And I claim
that life is indestructible despite death.
That hope is a strong wind
that must sweep away despair.
That the other is a brother
before being an enemy.
That one should never despair
of oneself and of the world.
That the forces that are within us,
the forces that can lift us up are immense.
That we must speak of love
and not the words of storm and despair.
That life begins today,
and every day...
and that it is the hope.
- Martin Gray-
Every moment of our lives is of immense value
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Every moment of our lives has immense value. Yet we let the time we have left run out like fine gold through our fingers. What could be sadder than to be left empty-handed at the end of our lives?
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Let us recognise the pricelessness of every second of life. Let us be intelligent enough to decide to make the best use of it, for our own good and for the good of others. Above all, let us dispel the illusion that we have our whole life ahead of us.
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This life passes like a dream that can be interrupted at any moment. Let us devote ourselves without further delay to the essentials so as not to be consumed by regrets at the time of our death. It is never too early to develop our inner qualities.
- Matthieu RICARD -
Westerners are afraid of death
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Moreover, although death is an event imposed by the circumstances of our lives, we can influence the conditions in which it will take place, by preparing ourselves for it at every moment through meritorious actions undertaken.
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We are responsible for our future. It is the result of the work on the mind and on the emotions that we carry out and of the detachment that we acquire with regard to the beings and the events.
- The Dalai Lama -
Who controls his mind is free
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"In the West, most people do not die of natural causes, but of excess. Excess of speed, of food, of intoxicants, of impatience.
Be kind to yourself, appreciate what comes your way. Learn to be happy with little.
If you are never satisfied, no matter how much money you have, you will be poor. Get rid of desire and attachment.
He who controls his mind is free here and now and at the time of the Great Passage.
- Kyabje Dudjom Rinpoche -
Preparing for death
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"At all times, we must prepare for death as if it were to happen right now.
We are never mature enough to face this passage. We waste our lives, by privileging too often the futile moments. We do not take the time to develop our qualities of heart, to become good human beings, to live according to a secular ethic based on non-violence and compassion. And, when old age comes, we have only our regrets to face the flight of time, because no turning back is possible".
- The Dalai Lama -
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Taking care of oneself
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Because mourning disrupts a whole life, because nothing will ever be the same again, in the face of the great emptiness and nothingness, we have to go through mourning to rebuild ourselves. We have to face the loneliness, the incomprehension, the judgment...
To help you, I invite you to follow the precious advice given by Nadine BEAUTHEAC* in her book "Le deuil, comment y faire face, comment le surmonter ? (Éditions du Seuil - 2002 - ISBN 9-782020-500524)
"...When mourning the death of a loved one, especially in the first
two years after the death, one has no energy left, is physically exhausted, morally disoriented, psychologically destroyed.
...When mourning the death of a loved one, especially in the first two years after the death, one has no energy left, is physically exhausted, morally disoriented, psychologically destroyed. Often one feels unable to carry out daily tasks. Taking care of oneself in such a context may seem absurd, yet it is important to save one's strength in order not to sink in this tumultuous period.
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Here are some themes on which it is important that the bereaved person can reflect and act. This will enable them to move forward on their personal journey and to envisage the transformation of their being that will inaugurate their new way of life...
- Give yourself the right to escape from social pressure: society and therefore those around you do not necessarily know the reality of bereavement, you will be subjected to opposing advice or phrases that destabilise you or make you feel guilty.
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The most beneficial thing for each of you is to tell yourself that this is your own suffering and that no one is allowed to tell you how to deal with it. Refocus on yourself, your desires, your choices, and decide what helps you and what doesn't, without listening to other people's opinions. Instead, try to express what you need to define, the state you are in, so as not to cut off the social link.
- Save your physical energy: ... every day, limit yourself to the indispensable tasks or those that can bring you relief.
- Save your psychic energy: ... let things happen over time; little by little, your psychic energy will find its way around: avoid also conflicts that you would normally have to face. Put off until tomorrow anything that seems too stressful.
- Look for "resource" moments: try to be regularly in the company of people with whom you can express what you feel or with whom you feel good...
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There are certainly also activities that soothe you, those that you liked "before" or new ones that you will discover...
The time of mourning is necessarily a time of withdrawal, the person in mourning needs to focus on himself to adapt to his new reality ...
- "On the hardest days, I switch on my answering machine": ... In the experience of grief, there are days when enough is enough: there is no need to overdo it. Know how to voluntarily withdraw from the world, for a limited time: don't answer the phone, don't do the shopping and ask someone else in the family to take it off your hands. Learn not to face everything at once.
- Put problems in their proper place: often, in times of grief, everything is painful, the slightest contact with others hurts, a reaction or lack of reaction ... hurts ... However, none of the problems that arise have the magnitude of your loss, know how to say "no" to conflicts in the name of this loss ... You need to smooth out what appear to be mountains into hills, it's difficult but it's a way to stay in touch with your emotions of grief and not add secondary ones.
- Know how to enjoy the good things in life: in such a state of distress, nothing seems to give happiness. At the same time, we are, unfortunately, well placed to know that we must savour the joys of the moment: a moment in the arms of one's spouse or with one of one's children, a laugh at the cinema, a gesture with friends can bring a second, a minute of well-being.
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You have to hold on to these moments in order to develop them, it is only by experiencing these "little pleasures" that you will be able to hold on to overcome your distress and make it change.
- Have a good self-esteem: when a loved one dies, we always feel guilty, there is always what we did not say or do, but it is also right to take stock of everything we said and did, to remember the positive role we played in that person's life, in order to accept the idea that we are not all-powerful and that what happened is beyond our control...
- Psychological and emotional nourishment: ... whenever possible, it is good to be with friends, to go to a concert, to read about grief ... It is no longer so much an activity that is done as a hobby, a relaxation, as something comforting that structures the new and changing personality of the bereaved person...
- Finally, when you feel that you can no longer cope, neither physically nor psychologically, consult without shame, in order to find the punctual help you need and avoid transforming your normal suffering into a suffering that would lead you into dangerous wanderings...
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* Nadine BEAUTHEAC is an ethnosociologist and administrator of the association "Vivre son deuil Paris-Ile-de-France.
I want you alive Mum!
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To all those who suffer from the absence of the one they loved so much,
To all those who feel guilty to live, to laugh, between tears and sorrow,
I dedicate this moving poem of a mother who cries her child, found on the net.
May these words help you to go through the mourning process without guilt...
"I cry for my child who died suddenly...
But, at the same time, I hear his voice telling me with a slight impatience":
"Mom, don't worry about me,
Mom, don't stop there.
Yes, my departure hurt you a lot!
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Yes, you still hurt!
But you know now that it was a flight, not a shipwreck.
Yes, I know! Is it incurable?
But don't let that stop you from thinking of others and also of yourself.
Continue to gather, Mom, all the happinesses of life.
Even the smallest ones, even if they sometimes have an aftertaste of ashes.
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Have fun, sing, listen to music, create something with your hands, create something with your heart, with your head!
Without stopping to cry perhaps, but create!
I want you alive, Mommy!
May my departure become a source of life for you!
Go on, go!
I beg you, do not give up!
You know, I am with you every day.
I want you alive, Mommy! "
- Author unknown -
To understand a person
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"To understand a person is already to speak to him. To posit the existence of another person by letting them be, is already to have accepted this existence, to have taken it into account. "
- Emmanuel LEVINAS -
Do not forget the attention, the affection
Never forget, every human being, whatever his age, his sex, his color, especially in painful moments needs human warmth, attention and affection.
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"The tenderness of a look, a touch,
of a simple presence can make all the difference in someone's life and this at any age!"
- Author unknown -
Accept
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"Acceptance gives strength and courage!
Acceptance creates a positive attitude towards life,
situations, the behavior of others
and towards oneself."
- Author unknown -
I would add "acceptance is also letting go."
To be silent
Sometimes our thoughts clash and we can't take it anymore, it is important to remember TO BE SILENT!
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You will make time for silence.
You will not let the deafening noise of your suffering soul
of your suffering soul.
You will pass on the weapons of your inner struggle
to find in you,
by you and with you,
the peace your heart needs.
- Author unknown -
Only love makes you alive
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Taken from the "Little treatise on death to crunch life with happiness" by Catherine BARRY, I would like with her, to emphasize the fact of loving and sharing, that the belief helps to cross the trials, with this extract:
"... Belief is a grace that transcends the realities of suffering, illness, old age, loss. It is also a blessing that is rooted in a daily morality shared by a community. The fraternal bond thus created helps to get through the joys and pains of life.
... Each person is unique, his perception of the world too...
... Beyond the forms and specificities of each doctrine, in fine, all of them say, between words, more or less the same thing: that existence constantly teaches to let go and the importance of loving and sharing. Only love makes us alive, connects us to others, makes us feel less alone when we die...
... The dread of the unknown diminishes, even fades away when we are surrounded by those we love.
... I know that offering a smile, a support, having an intention that pleases the other are the most beautiful gifts that we can give to others and to ourselves. And that giving without expecting anything in return, without it being known or seen, fills the soul with an incomparable and lasting joy that gives meaning to who we are and what we do."
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Do not deprive yourself of being happy
When painful events fall upon us, life seems sad and unfair, but if we do not want to let ourselves die slowly, let us remember this magnificent poem by Pablo NERUDA:
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He dies slowly
the one who does not travel,
the one who doesn't read,
the one who doesn't listen to music,
the one who doesn't know how to find
grace in his eyes.
He dies slowly
the one who destroys his self-esteem,
the one who never lets himself be helped.
He dies slowly
the one who becomes a slave to habit
repeating the same paths every day,
the one who never changes his reference point,
never ventures to change the color
of his clothes
Or who never talks to a stranger.
He dies slowly
the one who avoids passion
and its whirlwind of emotions
the ones that give back the light in the eyes
and repair the wounded hearts.
He dies slowly
the one who does not change course
when he is unhappy
at work or in love,
the one who doesn't take risks
to realize his dreams,
the one who, not once in his life,
has run away from sensible advice
Live now!
Take a risk today!
Act now!
Don't let yourself die slowly!
Do not deprive yourself of being happy!
- Pablo NERUDA-
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To watch over the state of friendship is a duty
It is often in the trials of life, in the difficult and painful moments that we realize who our true friends are ..., here are some quotes on friendship :
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"To watch over the state of friendship is a duty ... Thinking of the other, knowing how to be present when needed, having the right words and gestures, showing constancy in fidelity, that is friendship, and it is rare..."
- Tahar Ben Jelloun -
or this other one :
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"No matter how difficult you are, a true friend never abandons you!
A true friend does not judge you!
A true friend accepts you as you are!
Right where you are!"
- Christine GONZALES of Théracoach -
Anyway:
"There is a moment in life when we understand ...
That person is really important to us,
Which person never was,
And which one will always be!
In any case,
Don't give more importance than we give you!!!"
and never cry for someone
who would be unable to cry for you!
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Loving the mystery of the present moment
We tend to look for explanations for everything, (the how, the why, the because ...). However, it is impossible for us to find an answer to everything and instead of looking for "why", let's look for "how".
Here is a quote from Eckhart TOLLE that expresses this mindset well:
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"Explanations are fine for practical things,
but are inappropriate for beauty,
love and simple presence ...
Just let things be...
Love the mystery instead of solving the riddle ..."
- Eckhart Tolle -
The power of a smile
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"In life, the simplest things are the most important.
There is one simple thing that is essential: a smile.
You cannot smile without your whole body feeling the positive effect.
The effect of a smile on others is no less remarkable.
It disarms suspicion, dispels fear and anger, and brings out the best in others.
- Emmet FOX -
Words are weapons
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Often when a death occurs, we see families arguing, tearing each other apart... Hurtful and ill-intentioned words can do a lot of harm. Let us therefore be careful with the words we use as the following text clearly indicates.
"Be careful in your judgments. Words are powerful weapons that can do much harm.
Let your tongue never ridicule anyone. Let your mouth not diminish anyone.
A harsh word, a sharp word, can burn deep into the heart and leave a scar.
Let others be different, let them think differently, do differently, feel differently and speak differently.
In your words, be generous and merciful. Words must be lights. Words must reconcile, bring people together and soothe.
Where words become weapons, we come face to face as enemies.
Life is far too short and our world far too small to make it a battlefield."
- GLANURE -
The power to change a life
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"We often underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, a sincere compliment, or even the slightest attention: they all have the power to change a life."
- Leo BUSCAGLIA -
The smile is a weapon
The smile is a weapon,
It destroys the gloom,
Eliminates sadness
and makes our cheeks rise.
It fights the infamous,
Puts balm in the heart,
Joy and sweetness, it proclaims
And soothes our pains.
- Author unknown -
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