ACCOMPANIMENT

"Heroes of the Healing Arts" - John Pitre

(Heroes of the Healing Arts by John Pitre)

"Heroes" represents the universal source of the healing arts.

Dedicated to those around the world who put the health and safety of others before themselves.

The artwork symbolizes the universal power of the healing arts. Everything that encompasses it (knowledge, courage, innovation, empathy, compassion) is represented by the condensed ball of energy in the center, guided by the winged conduit. The figures represent all of us, giving thanks to those that used their knowledge of the healing arts to serve their communities under unimaginable, dangerous and deadly conditions.

- John Pitre Fine Art -

The words

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Words that are said as well as those that are heard.

Words that are shared, that unite us, that comfort or that hurt.

Words have an immense power: they are able to help, to show a path, to bring hope or despair to the hearts of the sick, who, as soon as they plunge into the abyss of suffering, feel an immeasurable need to give voice to their emotions and their pain, that of the body and of the soul.

- Eugenio Borgna - "Fragility"

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When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me good advice,
Then you don't do what I asked you to do.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you start telling me why I shouldn't feel this way,
Then you trample on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you think you have to do something about my problems,
Then you let me down, strange as it may seem.

Maybe that's why prayer helps some people,
God is silent and doesn't give good advice or try to fix things.
He just listens and lets us take care of ourselves.

So please, just listen to me,
and if you want to say something, be patient,
Then I promise I'll listen to you.

- Author unknown -

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A compassionate word, act or thought can ease another's suffering and bring joy.

A single word can bring comfort and confidence, remove doubt, help someone not to make a mistake, reconcile conflicting parties or open the door to liberation.

A single gesture can be enough to save someone's life or help them seize a rare opportunity.

A single thought can have the same effect, as thoughts always lead to words or actions.
With compassion in our hearts, every thought, word and deed can produce a miracle.

- Thich Nhat Hanh, "Teachings on Love" -

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Give the misery words: the grief that speaks not creeps into the overburdened heart and makes it break.

- William Shakespeare - "Macbeth"

Speaking time, a sense of suffering

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This time between us is important, important because it allows us to make sense of what is happening to us. And meaning is what helps us to live.

And then, a suffering that makes sense is less painful than one that does not. Suffering is a bit like an invitation to leave the state of victim who suffers a bad blow of destiny, to enter that of the person who creates his life, in collaboration with the different dimensions of his universe as much to inside and out.

- Sophie PETERS -
(Psychoanalyst - Europe 1 - Free Antenna from 03.08.2012 (Retranscription)

The words

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We are so full of words, that we must absolutely speak : as if they were birds to release, as if we had to empty before we let in other words.

We speak, we speak, to each other, against each other, the ones with the others.

The words are moving uselessly between us. Those we dare to say. The ones we keep for ourselves. They are all here. We have them on the tip of the tongue, on the edge of the lips, behind the wall of the forehead, in the head.

Often we have already said them and we repeat them.
They do not wear out, they keep their power to transform, to hurt or to illuminate.

- Alice FERNEY - "The others"

Compassion, Accompaniment

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"Compassion is to understand suffering and to wonder about it, it is to be attained oneself, it is to be able to defend oneself from the sinking, of what can be the pain, the moral suffering, but to know how to do the link.

It is a relationship of otherness, it is the concern of the other. It is because the other is suffering and in danger that I accompany him, because I know to see in myself my own fragility. "

- Xavier EMMANUELLI -

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Protect the child from the pain of loss

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"It is not because we love someone that we must spare him the trial, it is because the test is part of his life that he needs our love so much.

... To protect the child from the pain of loss, to preserve him from any ordeal, is also to protect him from that superior and unique good that is to be comforted by his mother. "

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"Wanting the child never to fall or be hurt, it is on the contrary to prohibit the arms that have carried in the early hours of his life.It is the monitor constantly, when necessary, trial requires To watch over him is to put him under high security when the child only wants to be accompanied on the adventurous paths of life "

From the book of Martin STEFFENS
"The life in blue" (Why is life so beautiful in the ordeal)

Listening

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"... The ear that one lends to the misfortunes of the friend recreates this word which was a time cut off.The listening which is silent is not the opposite of the speech: it belongs to the word since it It is from her that the suffering man will, little by little, take her back, as one catches his breath.

"... Listening must first be, for the sufferer, a blank page, a land of welcome, without waiting, nor judgment." Listening must also lend itself to the ears that it tends to others: it must seize the moment when it must stop, because it does not bring any more.Well to listen to the one who suffers, it is to know at the opportune moment, not to give the change, so that it does not like itself not in his role of victim: the listening must die to itself, to send to the world, kick in the back. "

- Fom the book of Martin STEFFENS "Life in blue" -
- (Why life is so beautiful in the ordeal) -

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The path of healing

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Not to speak, not to be listened to, makes you remain in confusion and that you are inclined to follow what your outside dictates to you.

If you want to find your inner answers, it will be important that you learn to talk about what you live to someone who can hear and understand you.

This is how the path of your healing will be revealed to you.

- Josée BRISSETTE -

To my friend "Mister Denis"

How to talk about death to a child ?

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In addition to the pain of losing a loved one, we are sometimes faced with the issue of announcing the death of a loved one to a child and we often do not know what attitude to adopt in such a case.

This question is often put to me and it is in order to help you to face it, that I evoke now this theme by relying here on the french book titled "The great book of death for the use of the living" (Editions Albin Michel).

To speak of death to a child is to help him live better ...

This subject is so difficult and painful to approach that we tend to hide the reality from the children for, we think, protect them.

But children believe what adults say to them and "hiding the truth from a child means taking the risk of undermining the trust that he has in the adult and on which he builds himself. Give free rein to his overflowing imagination and let him build scenarios that are often much more frightening than the truth itself.
That is why, it is extremely important to inform the child of the death as soon as possible, using concrete, simple and direct language, not afraid to use the words "dead", "deceased" .. and avoiding any metaphor or euphemism.

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For example, children who had been told that their father had left, secretly promised to go looking for him or others refused to fly for fear of hitting their mother in the sky, or others become insomniacs since they were told that their grandmother fell asleep forever ...

It is not a matter of telling them the truth brutally regardless of their age, but to answer their questions without pre-empting them.

Explain, for example, that "when we die, we do not move, we do not feel anything, remind them that all that lives in nature is called to die one day, human beings, like animals and plants."

You must know that "the child interprets everything that is going on around him as coming from him, he can feel guilty about the death of a loved one, so it is important to say and to repeat that he is not nothing guilty.

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The child also thinks that death is contagious and because he sees it as an abandonment, it is equally important to explain to him that death does not become an illness, that he or his relatives will not die one by one and abandon him in their turn. It is necessary to explain that no one will forget who died, but that he or she will continue to live in the heart and memories of those who love him. This is how he can be reassured and can also continue to talk about the deceased person in a climate of love and trust in life.

In the case of parents who have lost a baby by sudden infant death :
(from the french book "Mourning" by Nadine Beauthéac)

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Announce the sudden death of a baby to a sibling, often young, who has not had the opportunity to prepare for this news since there was no illness or hospitalization and who did not is not old enough to understand precisely what death is, is particular.

In the face of our own anxieties, we try to blur the cruelty of this truth. Whatever the beliefs of the family, it is necessary for the immediate and future well-being of everyone to tell the truth with the true words, of course in the most gentle and reassuring way possible, as example: "your little brother or little sister has just had something very serious and he (she) is dead (we) will not see him again We are very unhappy, but we are with you you are not responsible and we love you."

Wanting to protect the youngest is one of the most serious mistakes of beliefs related to death. We only seek to protect ourselves as adults by holding false language that will bring the other children of the family to frightening fantasies : if the baby is gone, where did he go ? Why did he abandon us? Did not he love us enough? What did I do to leave ?

At what age does the child understand death ?

As adults, we tend to think that children are not interested in death or that they do not understand it. Nothing is more false and specialists have long since highlighted their evolution in the face of the understanding of death.

The baby and the youngest are at first sensitive to the separation, they do not know the course of time and the notion of the irreversible, but they can make a depression in the prolonged absence of their mother.

In spite of the games, the television images or the social events, it is only towards 6 years that the child manages to make the distinction between death and sleep ; but "the fate of the dead is still doomed to the imagination," says Dr. Michel HANUS.

At 7 years, the notion of insensitivity after death is acquired, that of irreversibility is in the process of being, but its universality is recognized.

At age 8, which seems to be the pivotal age in the formation of the concept of death, the irreversibility of death is acquired, its becoming well perceived. The notion of universality is being acquired. The anxiety remains present.

It seems that the idea of death, like that of life, seems correctly acquired around 9 years old.

Even if the little child is not yet old enough to understand death, we must use the real words and answer each of his questions :

- What does it mean to be dead ?
- It's because we will never see your brother or your sister again.

- What does he feel like the baby who died ?
- When you're dead, you do not feel anything, you're not cold, you're not hungry.

- Am I going to die too ?
- There is no reason for it to happen to you now, even if it happened to your brother or sister.

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In the immediate moment of death, it is not always possible to have enough energy to respond to children. This does not mean that they must be completely removed from this family story that will be part of their own story forever. Not to truncate this moment is crucial, although it may be a relief for the family to entrust the children to parents who will take care of them, but without hiding the truth.

Even if children suffer from the event that they understand more or less well to see their parents collapsed, lying to them is always a trauma that will mark them.

The most appropriate decision is to be with them as much as possible, giving them the best care and talking.

Integrate the child into his family history :

Even today, even if children are told about death, periphrases are often used, giving way to the anxiety of the imagination, which is always worse than reality.

Too often, they are removed from the burial, which is a symbolic moment, which is crucial in the history of the family.

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All generations combined, the children, when they speak later, rise against the verdict of adults to have wanted to hide their death.

It must be remembered that talking about death has never killed anyone and that children are particularly vulnerable to the unspoken that leaves the door open to anxiety.

As Nadine Beauthéac still says in her book "100 Answers to Questions About Grief and Mourning" :

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"... children who do not attend funerals feel that they have been sidelined.
Contrary to what parents think, children are curious about death and often talk to each other about it.
Not to speak to them is to project our fears of death without any idea of the consequences for our children.
On the other hand, doing it is a learning of life, certainly painful, but that will not traumatize them, on the contrary ... "

Simply sitting down

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"Simply sitting down, without waiting, with someone who is sad or suffering or afraid, without trying to repair in any way, or manipulate their experience to fit the way you think that they should be.

Just listen, without trying to improve things at the moment, without playing the role of "expert" or "enlightened guru" or "who knows".

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To be simply and totally available for the other in front of you, and on the practical level, to do what seems necessary and natural in the moment, that is the essence of true healing. It is in this non-knowledge, in this deep presence, beyond our concepts, beyond our roles, without protection, without defense, unresolved, that we truly meet. "

- Jeff FOSTER -

Accompany : listen and understand ...

Humanitude

Listen

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Listen. It's more than just hearing.

It is to welcome, to receive, to feel what the other wants to say through his clumsy, tangled, hazy and tormented words, out of breath with emotion.

It's putting words and sentences end-to-end, and understanding - beyond what they say.

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And listening to it creates an energy between beings and for themselves, as much for the speaker as for the listener. A positive, constructive, liberating energy.

To listen is to receive and to give. Listen with his two ears, and then with his heart, because he is not mistaken, he knows when the other has finished talking, do not take offense.

- Unknown author - "Plural Thoughts"

This is the first time I die, It's the unique moment

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"... I know that you are uncomfortable, that you do not know what to say or what to do, but believe me, you can not go wrong by showing warmth. that we need, we can ask questions about the after and the why, but we do not really wait for an answer, do not run away, wait, I just want to know that there will be someone for me hold my hand when I need it I'm scared. Death may have become a routine for you, but it's new to me I'm probably not a unique case for you, but it's the the first time I die, it's the unique moment.

... If we could only be honest, admit our fears, touch each other. And after all? Would your professionalism really be threatened if you went to crying with me? Between us ? So it might not be so hard to die in the hospital ... because we would have friends there. "

- "Death" - Elisabeth KÜBLER ROSS -

Hold hands

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In trials, we recognize friendship, the true, sincere and honest is indispensable to our life ...

"Hold the hand of a friend who is going through an ordeal.
Clasp her in your arms and smile at him,
But also know when to let go,
Because each of us must learn to grow "

- Sharon Annie HEILBRUNN -

An attentive ear

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An attentive ear is exceptional for both the listener and the speaker. When we are received with an open heart, without being judged that we are listened to by an interested ear .... our mind opens ! "

- Sue Patton THOERLE -

Friend or volonteer ?

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"Sometimes an individual becomes the center of our life,
without you being bound to him either by blood or by love,
but just because he's holding your hand,
Helps you walk on the thread of hope
Friend! Frantically. "

- Fatou Diome -

As far as I'm concerned, to "the individual", I add "friend" or "volunteer" ...

It is only by finding oneself that one can help others

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The acceptance of the unacceptable demands infinitely more courage than anger, because it forces us to master the negative forces that we have in us ! We must first of all live with ourselves. Only by finding oneself can one transform one's life and help others.

- Mark Horton -

If I want to succeed to accompany a being ...

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"If I want to succeed to accompany a being toward a specific goal, I have to look for him where he is and start right there.

Whoever does not know how to do it is wrong when he thinks he can help others.

To help a being, I must certainly understand more than him, but first understand what he understands and does not understand.

If I do not succeed, it is useless for me to be more understanding and knowledgeable than him.

If I want above all to show what I know, it is because I am proud and seek more to be admired by others than to help them.

All support begins with humility in front of the one I want to accompany and that is why I must understand that helping is not wanting to control but wanting to serve. If I can not do it, I can not help the other one. "

- Soren KIERKEGAARD -

THE ESSENTIAL

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The essential thing is not right to speak, but to convey a message.
The essential thing is not right to listen, but to understand what is delivered.
From there, is born the exchange and the understanding of the other ...
To speak to say nothing, and to pretend to listen, all that emerges is futile speeches, without any interest in which beings, although together, often find themselves alone !

- Alexandra JULIEN -

- Excerpt from "Positive Thoughts - Happiness Option" -

WELCOME

ACCOMPANIMENT

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